Domestic and family violence

Domestic and family violence happens when one person in a relationship hurts another or makes them feel unsafe, and is a repeated pattern of behaviour
It can happen in any kind of relationship — not just with husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends (intimate partners)
Abuse doesn't have to involve hurt to your body, or physical violence, to be domestic or family violence
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit our website for online chat and video call services:
- Available 24/7: Call, text or online chat
- Available 9am-midnight AEST, 7 days a week: Video call (no appointment needed)
Learn more about paid family and domestic violence leave here.

Information on this page:

Who is affected by domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone — regardless of country, religion, sexuality, gender, social background socio-economic status, age or culture.

It can also happen in any relationship, including with:

Boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, husbands or wives
Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-partners, ex-husbands or ex-wives
Carers or paid support workers
Parents, guardians or other family members
Adult children
Other people you live with or see often, whether inside or outside the home

None of these people has the right to hurt you or make you live in fear.

What does domestic and family violence involve?

Domestic and family violence can involve behaviour that makes you feel scared, involve threats to you, your children or pets, and denies your choice. Domestic and family violence almost always involves an ongoing repeated pattern of behaviour to control you. This is known as coercive control, which can include both physical and non-physical abuse.

Violent behaviour can include:
Causes fear
Stops you from living as you want
Forces you to behave in ways you don’t want.

People who use this kind of violence are sometimes called 'perpetrators of violence'.

Domestic and family violence is an ongoing repeated pattern of behaviour to control you. It is not always physical.

What forms can domestic and family violence take?

It is never OK for someone in a relationship to:

Tell you they will hurt you, your children, your pets, or people you care about
Say they will hurt themselves if you try to leave
Cut you off from friends or family
Refuse to provide essential care and support for you if they are your parent, guardian, carer, or paid support person
Make looking after a baby hard by not letting you feed or settle your baby
Scare you by following you, harassing you, or refusing to leave you alone
Control what you do, who you talk to or where you go
Make you question your own memory and mental health. Also known as gaslighting
Use the legal system to bully or intimidate you
Stop you from making decisions about whether or not to have a baby, or other reproductive issues
Stop you from having medicine you need or from seeing a doctor
Give you medicine you don't need or more medicine than you need
Take your money or use money to make your life hard
Touch you in ways or places you don’t want to be touched
Force you to have sex or do sexual things
Say and do things that make you feel scared or unsafe
Monitor your phone, social media and emails without your permission
Share private photos or videos of you online without your permission
Stop you from following your religion or cultural practices
Damage walls, parts of your home, or your things
Hit, kick, and do other things that hurt your body.

These are only some things that domestic and family violence may involve. There are many others. If anyone is making you feel scared, worried or unsafe, it is OK to ask for help.

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is almost always an underpinning dynamic of family and domestic violence. Perpetrators exert power and dominance by using patterns of abusive behaviours over time that create fear and deny liberty and autonomy.

A person who uses coercive control may use the physical and/or non-physical abusive behaviours outlined above to make you afraid and take away your freedom and independence. Perpetrator behaviours can be subtle and specific to you. Sometimes, this means only you and the person using violence against you can tell how harmful the behaviour is. The impacts of coercive control are serious no matter which abusive behaviours are used.

Coercive control can have physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, cultural, social and financial impacts. The impacts of coercive control also build up over time. A perpetrator’s abusive behaviours can make you feel trapped, making it harder to seek and receive support, or leave a relationship.

The Australian Government has collaborated with all state and territory governments to develop the National Principles to Address Coercive Control in Family and Domestic Violence (the National Principles). The National Principles create a shared national understanding of coercive control, which is important for improving the safety of Australians. Read more here.

Next steps

Contacting 1800RESPECT Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently asked questions about 1800RESPECT, including what happens when you call, privacy information and how to lodge a complaint.

Safety planning

Safety planning is thinking about things you can do to be safer when living with violence or abuse.

Supporting someone

For people who have experienced sexual assault, domestic or family violence, the right support can make all the difference. There are some simple things you can do to support someone who has experienced abuse.