Violence towards parents

• Domestic and family violence can happen between an adolescent, and a parent or caregiver
• This is sometimes referred to as Adolescent to Parent Violence (APV)
• Violent behaviour towards parents or caregivers is not okay, everyone has the right to feel safe in their home 
• Violent behaviour may be physical, emotional, verbal, or financial
• There is support available if you are affected by APV. You can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit our website for online chat and video call services - available 24/7.

Domestic and family violence can happen between adolescents and their parents or caregivers.

It is normal for parents and adolescents to disagree or argue. However, when an adolescent’s behaviour becomes harmful or abusive, it can create safety concerns for everyone in the home.

Getting support early can help keep everyone safe.

This type of violence can happen in any family, regardless of:

• Culture
• Religion
• Background
• Education
• Occupation/income

Research shows that most people who experience APV are women and the majority of young people using this violence are boys and young men.

Some young people who use violence may have experienced or seen violence themselves.

• Swearing, name-calling, or using other hurtful words
• Yelling or shouting in ways that feel scary
• Physical actions like pushing, kicking, hitting, or spitting
• Breaking things or damaging property
• Hurting pets or threatening to harm them
• Taking money or creating debts without consent
• Making threats to harm someone or to hurt themselves
• Controlling or dominating a family member in ways that feel scary
• Using technology to intimidate or harass a family member including:
  • Sending abusive or threatening messages to parents
  • Posting embarrassing or aggressive content about parents online.

These behaviours may also cause harm to other family members, including siblings or other children in the home who may experience or witness the violence. 

• Create a safety plan that suits your situation. A safety plan can be updated over time as things change. You can contact 1800RESPECT to speak to a counsellor who can support you with creating a safety plan. You can also find helpful steps to create a safety plan on the 1800RESPECT website: Safety planning
• Find out about local counselling services in your area. 1800RESPECT counsellors can guide you to the right support. You can also search our Service Directory for support services. 
• Talk with trusted family or friends about what is happening. Every situation is different, but having support may help make you feel less alone.

APV is not often talked about, and parents may feel embarrassed or unsure what action to take. 

Calling the police can feel like a hard choice, especially if you’re worried your child might be charged. 

You might feel torn between protecting them and keeping yourself and others safe.

Your safety matters. It is okay to call the police if you fear for your own or someone else’s safety. 

1800RESPECT can also refer you to specialist services for what you are experiencing. 

• No violence is okay, including an adolescent being violent towards a parent or caregiver
• Talk to someone who can help you, such as a specialist support service like 1800RESPECT, friends or family
• Access support for parents or caregivers who are in a similar situation, so you do not feel alone.

• Call 000 if you or someone you know is at immediate risk.
• Contact your GP, child and family health nurse or another professional.
• Other support services:
  • Relationships Australia – provides free phone support and information to support parents and caregivers to maintain respectful relationships including communication and conflict, family and domestic violence and families and children. You can navigate to your state-based service from the Relationships Australia website
  • Parentline (QLD and NT): provides free phone and online counselling for parents and caregivers
  • Parentline (NSW): provides free phone counselling and support for parents and caregivers with children 0-18 years
  • Parentline (ACT): provides free confidential phone counselling to support parents and caregivers from pregnancy through to raising teenagers
  • FACES (NT): provides free phone support for early intervention by connecting families to tailored support services
  • The Orange Door (VIC) – provides support for people who are experiencing or using family violence or who need support with the care and wellbeing of children and young people
  • Ngala (WA): provides online resources and free phone support via the Parenting line.
• Search for other local services in the Service Directory.

Many of these services provide support for parents or caregiver and their child. Some support services can provide support for the child only.

• headspace
• Kids Helpline 
• Berry Street (VIC): offer services to support adolescents using violence at home
• Meli (VIC): provides support for young people aged 10-17 and their parents or carers to reduce violent or aggressive behaviours
• Drummond Street Services (VIC): provides support for young people and their families experiencing substantial conflict within their family or who are at risk of enacting harm towards others in the home
• Each (VIC): works with young people who use violence and their families to build healthier relationships
• OzChild (NSW): provides specific programs for young people between 11-18 years who are exhibiting aggressive and violent behaviours
• Centrecare (WA): provides  intensive individual and family support including counselling and group programs to those affected by domestic and family violence, including adolescent violence in the home
• Anglicare Southern (QLD): provides an early intervention program for young people who use violence in relationships
• Anglicare (TAS): provides a range of specific programs targeted toward children, young people and their families
• Menslink (ACT): provides counselling and support for young boys and men to address challenges at home, school and in their relationships
• Relationships Australia (ACT): provides counselling sessions and a space for children and young people to express their feelings, build resilience and learn healthy ways for coping with challenges
• Catholic Care (NT): provides referrals to relevant services such as counselling and therapeutic behaviour change groups
• Bridging the Gap (NSW): provides adolescent and family counselling to help families build capacity to learn and heal.

Search for other local services in the Service Directory.

If you or someone you know is experiencing APV, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit our website for online chat and video call services - available 24/7.